am I OKAm I OK? I Don’t feel OK.

So what do you do when you ask yourself. Am I OK? I don’t feel OK. It’s years later, you ask yourself this question, then what.

Shouldn’t you be OK by Now?

WOW, I had asked myself this question so many times over the years. There were days, I would answer yes and those days I would answer no or maybe I just wasn’t sure.

Let me say this.  From what I have learned about myself and talking to others. I listen to what people say to a grieving person or comment about somebody who is grieving.

They question the person who is grieving, it’s been years later, they begin to tell them or put into their head that they are not OK and ask if they should get help because they should be better now.

Who are these people?

I ask the question, who are these people who would say that or think this about someone who is grieving a loss. A loss that may be so deep in grief, missing that person with so much heart ache.

Who would you say these people are? If you think really hard or maybe you don’t need to, somebody comes to mind right away.

I respond to questions like this everyday, many times these questions are coming from those that have never experienced the devastating loss as you have. It doesn’t mater who this person may be, or your relationship with them. The pain and hurt you feel is very real. It’s not their pain and hurt because they don’t have any.

What they really want is their friend or family member back the way it used to be. It can’t nor will it ever be the same. On many levels your relationships with others has changed.

Some for the better and some not so good. It’s time to move on.

I find that these people who ask this question are your closest friends and family members who may say or think this about you. That starts you thinking and asking –¬†Am I OK? I Don’t Feel OK.

Trust me your are OK!

How do you know if your OK

Well if you would see yourself or someone you care about behaving in a certain manner as to make you concerned of their well-being. This is what I have found you may wish to look for or pay attention to.

  1. Are they back to work yet?
  2. They can’t keep a job?
  3. Do they pay their bills?
  4. Do they communicated with others
  5. Are they secluded indoors not wanting the venture out?
  6. How’s their personal hygiene?
  7. Are they talking about self harm?
  8. They are not eating?
  9. The house is a total mess and it never was that way, they would never live this way?
  10. They have no energy?
  11. All their relationships are gone?
  12. They never go to any family functions or events?

I say that if these areas of concern would still be around many years later following a loss, then there may be a problem. Not just a couple of them I’m talking most if not all of them. Who doesn’t feel these from time to time even without loss and grief.

It’s not one of these behaviors, most people would think that they are asking. Am I OK? I Don’t Feel OK.

  1. Going to cemetery all the time.
  2. Celebration birthdays
  3. Celebration of  anniversaries
  4. Celebration of holidays
  5. Writing a journal
  6. Talking as if they were still here.
  7. Asking for help?
  8. Have a part of the home as it was a shrine.
  9. Special decorations.

When we or other family and friends see this type of behavior they believe that this is not normal. We may feel that we are not OK. They do not notice what I mentioned before that would be more alarming to a person’s ability to cope and begin to move beyond their grief to begin to live life again on their terms.

Blessings and Much Love, Rick

This topic for this post came from a question I answered on Quora see the post here

If you want to know if your OK email me at rick@afathersloss.com to set a time so we can talk. Or just send your questions.

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