A Father

Greatest Loss

Greatest loss in life Death is not the greatest loss in life.  This is the quote by Norman Cousins I live by. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Norman Cousins This took me a long time to understand what it meant. As I felt that the greatest loss that I could suffer was the loss of my daughter Kelsey. You see there is nothing we can change about our past, as they say it is, what it is.  I really hate that saying. I lived in the past no mater how much I said I didn’t. I had tied all the events of my life, to where I am. I had learned to pass blame on those events 23 years ago on June 15, 1993. To feel as a failure as a father and husband, that all this was such a waste. Life is not so simple as black and white. It happened. I can’t change it no matter how much I want to. So I can choose to...
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A Father

Belief Everything happens for a reason

Belief Do you have belief that everything happens for a reason? Think about it, what has happened in your past that you feel it has happened for a reason. Or maybe you don’t have the belief that things happen in our lives for a reason. We have faith that allows us to believe in something that we may not see or understand, I call this our belief system. We either believe in something or not. It’s our choice to have this belief. I know when I was thinking about the events of my past that all this happened for a reason. I questioned that. It’s like saying that my daughter passed away for a reason. So maybe I’m telling myself that she had to die. This was not my belief. It’s more like how I react to what has happened. How I can use this for good. It has taken many years of work on myself to see life this way. It didn’t happen overnight. Let me tell you that I don’t believe that...
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A Father

Life lookout for the good

Life – Yes we must lookout for the good in life. If your life has been anything close to mine, you may be saying to yourself what has been good about it? I lost my daughter over 22 years ago and life has been a roller coaster ride to say the least over those years. Lookout for the good in life I know it’s so hard to do in the midst of surviving grief in your life. It may not have been all that long ago or many years later. I still have those days that I think of Kelsey and can’t stop thinking of what could have been.  I have learned that I can’t keep looking at life that way. This is the life that I have been given, I must make the most of it. I didn’t start to think this way until many years later. The loss of my daughter in just one event in my life. Would I do anything to change that? You bet I would. I can’t change...
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A Father

A Father’s Job in life

A Father’s job in life. I was sitting here tonight thinking about the topic of the blog for the week. As I was listening to all the sounds in our house with my children, grandchildren and our foster children I was thinking about a father’s job in life. I have dozens of topics I wish to write but this one just hit me and gave me the urge. A Father’s Job What does it mean to be a father? When my daughter Kelsey passed away back in the summer of 1993 I had thought and felt as I was a failure as a father. I have written before as to my job as a father was to protect my children from harm, provide for them. With that being said it is a true statement but I believe as I have lived my life there is so much more to a father’s job in life. Nothing ever prepares you to be a father When I think back to school. I was never taught anything about...
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A Father

The way life was

Do we live in the past. The way life was. I know for myself I say all to often “back in the day”, you can finish the rest of that sentence. I know that life seems as it was so much better in the past. The way life was. When you think about it life is very good in the present we just need to open our eyes to see what is in front of us. My daughter passed away June of 1993. Life was so good for us as a family with our future ahead of us, so much to look forward to. You may be dealing with so much in your life, dealing with your loss, grief whether it is fresh in your mind or many years have gone by like myself. The way life was When we live in the past we don’t see what is right in front of us sometimes. For example: Family Friends Work Loved ones The beauty that surrounds us What God has intended for us I know...
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A Father

Emotional Triggers Will I Ever Be Completely Over It

Emotional triggers will I ever be completely over it in life even 22 years later. Yes this still happens from time to time. Maybe not everyday, it does however still happen. Emotional Triggers Will I Ever Be Completely Over It What are emotional triggers? Well let me put it to you in my words. Emotional Triggers Music and songs pictures events holidays birthdays dates in the future that come and go that your child should have been there friends saying something memories flashbacks visits to cemetery other funerals Just to name a few that comes to mind. These emotional triggers will I ever be completely over it, can come when you may least expect them. It can and will cause a grief outburst. You just want to cry or have to go out of the room just to get away to a quiet place Learn more about emotional triggers here is a great article title What is a trigger We have a choice how to react to them When you have one of these...
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A Father

What if today was your last day together

I read a friends post today on Facebook that just spoke to me. Have you ever had this happen when you feel as if they were speaking to you and only you.  I know that this has happened more than I can count.  He talked about taking his children to school and dropping them off. He was going out-of-town for a few days. It hit him what if today was your last day together ? I know exactly what he is talking about with this statement. As I have been in his shoes. However I got the answer that no parent would want to happen. That June 15, 1993 was our last day together. What if today was your last day together I think we as parents drop off our children at: school, friends houses, Church, the park, ball games, practice babysitters programs Just to name a few places. Have we ever thought that about that question What if today was your last day together ? I know when I took Kelsey to get...
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A Father

If you knew the future

If you knew the future, What would you do? Would you do anything different? How would you live you life? Your choices for that day? If you knew the future. I could go on and on as I think of this often. Let me put it to you this way. If God was to come to you and tell you that he was going to give you a child but when that child was 3 years of age before their 4th birthday he was going to call that child home to heaven would you still want this child in your life? This question was put to me during a grief group of other grieving parents after my daughter had passed away. I was having real trouble dealing with my loss. She had told me about her personal story about their daughter who took her life at the age of 16. I didn’t know what to think of this question when it was presented to me. What if you knew the future ? As parents...
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A Father

My biggest fear as a grieving parent

What scares you the most after you have survived the death of a loved one. What’s my biggest fear as a grieving parent. I think we all have are fears in life, each one of us. Have you ever really sat down and thought about it? I’m not talking about those everyday fears we have or that anyone of us have, such as fear of heights, fear of the dark, fear of flying, fear animals maybe even fear of dying. This was one of my fears before I lost my daughter June of 1993. When she drowned in a pool I felt as I could just die and I really wanted to at that point in my life and I wasn’t scare of death, My biggest fear as a grieving parent I wanted everyone to know her and to remember her. I know now that she is not forgotten and never will be. I feel that my biggest fear as a grieving parent is to bury another one of my children. This is not...
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A Father

Organ Donation would you donate your organs

Organ Donation would you donate your organs I never put a lot of thought to this question, Organ Donation would you donate your organs? When my daughter passed away June of 1993 I was asked if I would wanted to donate any of her organs? There were only certain organs and tissue that we could donate, Some of her vital organs had already shut down and could not be donated, that is what the doctors had told me. I didn’t know much about organ donation other than every time I went to renew my driver’s license I was asked if I wanted to be a donor. I always said no back then. Reasons why I didn’t donate any of her organs. I didn’t understand why her. I wanted her to be whole (not cut up) that’s the way I saw it I was afraid that we couldn’t have an open casket Every time I would go to the cemetery to visit I would think that she was not all there. I just didn’t understand...
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