A Father

Greatest Loss

Greatest loss in life Death is not the greatest loss in life.  This is the quote by Norman Cousins I live by. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Norman Cousins This took me a long time to understand what it meant. As I felt that the greatest loss that I could suffer was the loss of my daughter Kelsey. You see there is nothing we can change about our past, as they say it is, what it is.  I really hate that saying. I lived in the past no mater how much I said I didn’t. I had tied all the events of my life, to where I am. I had learned to pass blame on those events 23 years ago on June 15, 1993. To feel as a failure as a father and husband, that all this was such a waste. Life is not so simple as black and white. It happened. I can’t change it no matter how much I want to. So I can choose to...
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A Father

Kelsey what I learned from you – LOVE

Wow,  it has been over 22 years since you left when you were called home to heaven. Over that 22 years I have never thought about what I have learned from you in your short life here on this earth. Then again I know you have taught me so much. You didn’t say much in words, you didn’t have to. When looking back I now know what you would have said. I learned what LOVE is I learned what love really was about. As a young father of 2 little girls I can’t say I knew much about love and the true meaning of the word. I thought I did, as I think most of us might think that we do until something happens and takes that love away from you. When you would look at me, when you were a little baby that first few hours. I can only imagine what you may have thought when you saw me – your father. With a little humor you most likely said Oh No this...
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A Father

Belief Everything happens for a reason

Belief Do you have belief that everything happens for a reason? Think about it, what has happened in your past that you feel it has happened for a reason. Or maybe you don’t have the belief that things happen in our lives for a reason. We have faith that allows us to believe in something that we may not see or understand, I call this our belief system. We either believe in something or not. It’s our choice to have this belief. I know when I was thinking about the events of my past that all this happened for a reason. I questioned that. It’s like saying that my daughter passed away for a reason. So maybe I’m telling myself that she had to die. This was not my belief. It’s more like how I react to what has happened. How I can use this for good. It has taken many years of work on myself to see life this way. It didn’t happen overnight. Let me tell you that I don’t believe that...
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A Father

Life lookout for the good

Life – Yes we must lookout for the good in life. If your life has been anything close to mine, you may be saying to yourself what has been good about it? I lost my daughter over 22 years ago and life has been a roller coaster ride to say the least over those years. Lookout for the good in life I know it’s so hard to do in the midst of surviving grief in your life. It may not have been all that long ago or many years later. I still have those days that I think of Kelsey and can’t stop thinking of what could have been.  I have learned that I can’t keep looking at life that way. This is the life that I have been given, I must make the most of it. I didn’t start to think this way until many years later. The loss of my daughter in just one event in my life. Would I do anything to change that? You bet I would. I can’t change...
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A Father

A Father’s Job in life

A Father’s job in life. I was sitting here tonight thinking about the topic of the blog for the week. As I was listening to all the sounds in our house with my children, grandchildren and our foster children I was thinking about a father’s job in life. I have dozens of topics I wish to write but this one just hit me and gave me the urge. A Father’s Job What does it mean to be a father? When my daughter Kelsey passed away back in the summer of 1993 I had thought and felt as I was a failure as a father. I have written before as to my job as a father was to protect my children from harm, provide for them. With that being said it is a true statement but I believe as I have lived my life there is so much more to a father’s job in life. Nothing ever prepares you to be a father When I think back to school. I was never taught anything about...
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A Father

The way life was

Do we live in the past. The way life was. I know for myself I say all to often “back in the day”, you can finish the rest of that sentence. I know that life seems as it was so much better in the past. The way life was. When you think about it life is very good in the present we just need to open our eyes to see what is in front of us. My daughter passed away June of 1993. Life was so good for us as a family with our future ahead of us, so much to look forward to. You may be dealing with so much in your life, dealing with your loss, grief whether it is fresh in your mind or many years have gone by like myself. The way life was When we live in the past we don’t see what is right in front of us sometimes. For example: Family Friends Work Loved ones The beauty that surrounds us What God has intended for us I know...
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A Father

One memory that haunts me

Do you have a memory that still haunts you to this day as I have one memory that haunts me? One memory that haunts me I still have that one memory that still haunts me to this day of my daughter who passed away over 22 years ago. I know that we do not like to think about these things, if I could only go back in time and change this one event. There are many other memories that haunts me, none like this one does. I just wish I could give my daughter a hug let her know that I love her, tell her that I’m so sorry. What is this one memory that haunts me? Kelsey was our second daughter she was just 3 years old, 2 weeks before her 4th birthday. It was June 14, 1993.  I had put in a long day at work as it was the summer time. This was the busy time of the year for my business. I didn’t have a lot of time with my family...
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A Father

Fear of grief

Fear of grief what is left behind To live with your loss everyday knowing that you cannot touch, hold, hug or even talk to your loved one is hard enough on a daily basis. Then you add fear of grief on top of that just compounds your emotions, it will take you back in time. It may cause you to have a sudden grief outburst. If you have had one in the past. It can cause you to fear anything that will bring back these emotions. Fear of grief is nothing more than an emotion, However it is a very powerful one at that. It can keep you from doing what you would like to do. For example: I have some tubs that have my daughters clothes along with some special blankets, toys, photos and extra newspapers with the story of her accident on June 15, 1993. I would like to pull them out to be able to go through them. Fear keeps me from even getting them out let alone open them up....
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A Father

Emotional Triggers Will I Ever Be Completely Over It

Emotional triggers will I ever be completely over it in life even 22 years later. Yes this still happens from time to time. Maybe not everyday, it does however still happen. Emotional Triggers Will I Ever Be Completely Over It What are emotional triggers? Well let me put it to you in my words. Emotional Triggers Music and songs pictures events holidays birthdays dates in the future that come and go that your child should have been there friends saying something memories flashbacks visits to cemetery other funerals Just to name a few that comes to mind. These emotional triggers will I ever be completely over it, can come when you may least expect them. It can and will cause a grief outburst. You just want to cry or have to go out of the room just to get away to a quiet place Learn more about emotional triggers here is a great article title What is a trigger We have a choice how to react to them When you have one of these...
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A Father

What if today was your last day together

I read a friends post today on Facebook that just spoke to me. Have you ever had this happen when you feel as if they were speaking to you and only you.  I know that this has happened more than I can count.  He talked about taking his children to school and dropping them off. He was going out-of-town for a few days. It hit him what if today was your last day together ? I know exactly what he is talking about with this statement. As I have been in his shoes. However I got the answer that no parent would want to happen. That June 15, 1993 was our last day together. What if today was your last day together I think we as parents drop off our children at: school, friends houses, Church, the park, ball games, practice babysitters programs Just to name a few places. Have we ever thought that about that question What if today was your last day together ? I know when I took Kelsey to get...
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