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003:Coping with grief Is There More To Life

003: Coping with grief Coping with grief.  Is there more to life than just learning to cope with my grief. Yes I did learn how to cure my grief. It took a lot of work, self discovery not to mention a ton of work on myself. I have a weekly call every Wednesday that I cover many different topics such as coping with grief. Listen to our call dated 1/1/2017   I’m just here to support and give you some good information that you maybe you can begin to learn depending on where you are in your journey or if any of these things or something that you’re struggling with. Okay? Let’s keep pressing forward here. Like I said, my story starts with my daughter, with Kelsey. Kelsey was born July third, 1989. She drowned in a city pool in June 15th in 1993 while she was in care of our babysitter. I harbored a lot of guilt with that and I blamed myself, and I had a lot of anger, a lot of...
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A Father

Greatest Loss

Greatest loss in life Death is not the greatest loss in life.  This is the quote by Norman Cousins I live by. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Norman Cousins This took me a long time to understand what it meant. As I felt that the greatest loss that I could suffer was the loss of my daughter Kelsey. You see there is nothing we can change about our past, as they say it is, what it is.  I really hate that saying. I lived in the past no mater how much I said I didn’t. I had tied all the events of my life, to where I am. I had learned to pass blame on those events 23 years ago on June 15, 1993. To feel as a failure as a father and husband, that all this was such a waste. Life is not so simple as black and white. It happened. I can’t change it no matter how much I want to. So I can choose to...
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A Father

The strongest people I know

Strongest people I know. What do you think? Who do you think are the strongest people I know ? It’s real simple if you think about it. I’m not talking about a physical strength. It’s more about a mental toughness. The strongest people I know…… Grieving Parents These are the strongest people I know. They have endured such a hardship regardless of the age of the child. So many grieving parents try to hold together the family that is left behind. All the time putting other people’s needs in their grief before their own. I will say as a grieving parent for the past 23 years. I feel that I do not hold a candle to many of these people. Their stories are so full of pain and sorrow. So the strongest people I know are grieving parents at all levels of loss regardless of age. Do you know a grieving parent? I’m sure you do. You just may not know that you do. I ask that you seek out a grieving parent and...
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A Father

Grief in the New Year

Grief in the New Year Yes, Grief in the New Year, You may be asking where do I go now. You survived the year and maybe it has been many years. You are starting to ask yourself what do I need to do with my grief and loss. Grief in the new year Not everyone wishes to do anything different after they have moved through the stages of grief. I hear it all the time and have found myself saying it. That is, that I wish things would be the same. Well I hate to say it but it will never be the same. You have a choice it can get a lot worse or it can get better. The choice is yours. It has been a long 23+ year journey for me but I choose a better life. I don’t know about you. So that’s why I bring up grief in the new year. Today is January 1, 2017. It is a new year and many of us believe it is a new...
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A Father

Grieving, Debbie Reynolds dies of a broken heart

Grief and Debbie Reynolds Grief is a very powerful emotion. I have said this many times. While grieving her daughter, Carrie Fisher, who just passed away the other day. Debbie Reynolds, her mother, was making plans for her funeral and suffered a stroke or something of the sort. I would agree that she suffered from a broken heart. A person’s will to live or just feeling that you have a reason to live and go on in this world today. I can’t speak for Debbie Reynolds but I do know that I too, didn’t want my life to go on after my daughter passed away. Emotions Grief is just that, an emotion. We each process it a little different. The pain is great and can be unbearable at times. You don’t how you are going to make it to the next day. No matter how much we would not want anyone to ever go through the loss of a child, it is inevitable it will happen. You tell your children good night and wake...
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A Father

Never A Victim

Never be the victim Do you ever feel as you are the victim in your own life? I can say never let yourself be the victim. If I could go back in time, have a conversation with myself some 24 years ago. That’s what I would tell myself. Never let yourself be the victim. When you think about it, when things happen, you feel as you are the only one that feels the way you do. (I know I have been there.) You cry, You feel sorry for yourself, You want your friends and family to feel sorry for you. Have you ever had a talk with someone who right after a few words within a minute or two you know right away that they are the victim in their life. They complain about everything, all along wondering why their life just isn’t the way they wish it ti be. When you feel this way, everything around you seems to be so hopeless. Look, feeling this way doesn’t change anything. Does not make it...
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A Father

An Untold Story

Untold story The most important story we have is An Untold Story, your untold story. Just a blank page just sitting there for you to write. You could look at it just as an open road. The story untold is in the back of your mind it is just in front of your eyes. Embrace it, it’s your story. This story is so different because you can’t touch it or grasp it but you can feel it. This is not our past self or our past lives. It’s not that fiction that has come to define us, it is so much more that that. It’s a blank page, it’s an opportunity to bring all this to life that is in our minds. to rewrite that page or that chapter in your life. Well my friends here is a pen and paper you can write your new story and create your new reality for yourself. Write it line by line. Why dwell in the past. I know because I have spent so much of my...
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A Father

Swimming pool safety will the lifeguard save my child

Swimming pool safety will the lifeguard save my child ? What do you think? Swimming pool safety. This is a big mistake that most if not all parents make when they are at a public pool or beach. This is not because the lifeguard is not properly trained. For the most part they are trained. Will the lifeguard save my child ? What makes me qualified as a parent to talk about this? Well my daughter drowned just 8 feet away from a 16-year-old lifeguard in an overcrowded pool. It’s all about swimming pool safety. Here’s a good read on Babble Do not take anything for granted. I made many mistakes leading up to that day. With spring time here, many people who have their own pools or will be sending their children to the local pool or beach. You may be taking a vacation this summer to a water park, resort or beach. Do you have the knowledge that you need for swimming pool safety Children love the water, they will spend all day...
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A Father

Triggers – Setting Now Thoughts

Triggers – setting now thoughts to release your negative thoughts or are you just feeling down and can’t get out of the funk you’re in. I know the feeling all to well, we all have those days, some more than others. Have you wondered how to reset your thoughts using Triggers – setting now thoughts I have struggled with this question for a long time. When I have a negative thought or feeling that I can’t get the memories of my daughter’s death or it’s around a certain day of the year. You can’t hold a negative and a positive thought at the same time. If you can, let me know how to do that. So the question is how do you change that thought in your head to something more to your liking such as something that would be a positive thought or memory. Using Triggers to set your now thoughts How do you trigger a now thought? We all see things in our day-to-day routine that will trigger a thought in our...
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A Father

Are you lost? 10 steps to change your life today

Do you have the feeling that you are lost. You get up each day and go through the motions. Have you ever asked yourself the question that you want to change your life? So many people want the results now. We are in a life that everything is right at our finger tips. We want something just push a button. Look at your phone, social media, it will give me the answers. For myself it has been a 22 year-long journey following the death of my daughter. I have learned so much about myself, the grief that I have survived. But most of all how to be true to myself and the feelings that I feel on a daily basis. Be Honest You must be honest with yourself. I know that I had felt this way for the most of my life after my daughter passed away. Do you feel that you have no direction? Do you feel tired before your day has started? Do you have fear of facing people and you would...
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